My Journey Thru Life

2006-09-03T17:22:00.000+08:00

it's been really long ehs.
haha!! been busy as ever. *much sighs.

Anyhow, ive a fairly fruitful wkend! ;D In all and every single sense. Yes, it's been a good weekend. (: well, ive been using dad's car these days.

From driving back home from school after trngs,
driving bru home from tuition,
driving to work on saturdays,
driving parents to work, (dad parked his car at the office,thus the chance of me driving another car!)
to driving mommy to the market!
haha!!
and so did i drove to my cousin 21st birthday celebration ydt alone! Damn,the freaking narrow roads, where performing 3 point turns are simply necessary. Plus the place its more than ulu LAH! Dad drove mom n bru in another car.

Thankfully! managed to find the place somehow. Much thnks to my beloved street directory. =D

and did i mention, I DON'T KNOW KNOW TO TEAR PARKING COUPONS!!! ha! those 50cents, dollar parking coupons. ha! damn funnaye yet stupid enuffs.

Then agn,ive much to learn. Far from being expert yet! ya,dude?! much more to learn from you. Well, was suppose to be at track camp over the weekends but i failed to attend due to the grand celebration, so much so being a good cousin i am. hoho.

so, drove back home today morning. Prettaye tired due to mahjong the previous night. Rather, we had mahjong marathon till 5am in the morning and 3 hours of sleep was much well apprecated for the drive this morning.

ohoh!! dad install a speed limit detector in the car.
Guess u know the reason whys. hoho!

2006-07-30T14:34:00.000+08:00

It's almost over. Other then 4x400m. It is hard to find real words to truely say,but it has been an amazing isg. so much more than amazing. I can't find the right words. the adrenaline, the pressure, the race, the team , the cheering, the ending line and not forgetting my superior that was more than willing to fetch me all the way from jurong island all the way back to school. Thanks for all. It seems so surreal. yet one thing for sure, that though this chapter slowly comes to a close, the memories and experience will last more than forever,

thankyou to all of you who have encouraged me all the way, it meant so much to me in crucial moments.

to my team that fought hard and truely give EVERYTHING they had in them, you're all wonderful. the courage and fighting spirit, the willgness to take up and face the challenge, to overxome mental tests, to hold your head high despite defeat and to win graciously and wonderfully. i cannot say how proud we are.

and neither can i put them into words, how much i will be missing all of you after graduation.

2006-06-28T08:38:00.000+08:00

It's final

27062006

Im a proud licensed driver from ubi.

10points.

:)

2006-06-17T14:57:00.000+08:00

mindblock

i've been abandoning blogger for - (right, Shao? )like said by so many - sorrysorry! but i can't seem to straddle the fine line between self-indulgently interesting and self-indulgently boring. that, and the lack of eventful things to blog about. yawn.

Sometimes i like to think that the things ahead will be better. like perhaps something good will be waiting for me after all this. i know it wont come anytime soon.

But i guess i'll have to wait and see. i don't want to try any more. i'll just wait passively and just wait. sometimes there is no point of trying and pushing so hard when he effort you put in the more disappointment you get.

the truth like i told you there is no more obligation, no more string attached. not that there was in the first place. but i guess now the line's been drawn even clearer, even more sharply such that we don't take advantage of the bluriness of the original line. and it is somethins new i muct get used to

for you are not obliged to me nor am i to you.

i happened to visit friendster after so long.

everyone is becoming so done-up and nice and pretty. rawrr. on days like mine. i know i am .....

i'm tired of alot of things and i feel like giving all up. like why should i care anymore. or why should i keep doing this or that. say work, it's enough...working 7days a week aint an easy task.

it's hard because i dont wnat to say alot on such on a public blog but yet there is a part of me that yearns to be heard. however fears to be seen in a different light, a fear of another added imperfection to the already long-enough list.

perhaps it is being fake in a sense, a lack of transparency. but perhaps this is just how i protect myself...from i don't know.

what would be nice would be a sweet surprise.

So much so ive not updated on attachments at The Polyolefin Company. Everyone thought i was cruising the place!!

okay so heres the update;

Well said by Mr Tan, it's s so male - dorminated company, the only females there are all in their early 40s or late 50s. People like the admin clerk, coffee auntie to toilet cleaners are the only ones.

I felt so outcast. so every. every single day.

and some psychotic guy scared the hell out of me, he would check out my name and says something which i don't even realise it for my entire 19+ years of living. Eeks. and everytime i see him, i would runs. and boon being so good, would somewhat inform me of his being. WTF.

and again, i would only look forward to 4.20pm, that's when i get changed and knock off. and at times, we would make the effort to meet up with Dennis be it at jurong east or jurong point for dinner.

ya,lt?

;edited

This is what i do when i get deprived of retail therapy.

soo pretty. but it's only available on urbanoutfitters. suuuper nice!

enuff said. Im super duper broke!

Someone please make kind donation to poorgirl association..ur kindness will be appreciated! sms to ****7741

2006-06-12T21:41:00.000+08:00

The weather has been shit ass weird lately. Just last Friday, it was again a super sunny day which saw everyone in tank tops, tube tops, board shorts flip flops and the works.and yesterday the sudden wham bam, it started hailing WTF. Spoiler weather.

It was quite a crzy training today i must say. right from the warm up. runs like goodness-knows-what. prolly it due to me that i havent been trng. haha!! :) oh i think i am good at thinking of strengthening stuff to do. it's preetaye amusing.

you know i think we have something special as a track team since they're the people i interact most with. it's like a family sort of feeling. where you can just be yourself. whether good or bad moon, it always end up with comforting form of happiness. you come upset and just the routineness of everything and the light-hearted laughter makes everything look fine afterall. and if you need to go crazy, there's always someone who'll go crazy with you. and its just like that, and its enough isnt it? (:

SO yes! i went back to school for training after so lonnnggg and i managed to bump into Mr Quek (my sixth sense was damn accurate la!) when he's driving down that particular steep slope (knocking off from school) while i was running up. *beams* (leetheng must be cursing me now!) hohoho!!!! I went like,"Mr Quek!" (thnks God, he had his windows down, Phew~) but all he said was "aye!!"

Tho that was prettaye disappointing, but he got me fasten my running pace! Although the mind was willing too but somehow the flesh was weak. ha ha!!

To my surprise, he actually drove back to look for me and we managed to catch up a little with regards to my attachments and stuffs. :) it was all funnaye was he's trying to drive at the minimum speed while i tried damn hard to speed up. haha!!! and chatting at the same time...

Dudes, he finally gotten himself a CAR! damn i was too in gross in my runs that his plate number just slipped of my mind. Grrrr!!!!!!!!!

Oh! did i mention that i bumped into Mrs Chua ( our previous maths lecturer)together with his son and mom on Sun at my workplace.

and Ronnie and SK too

sheesh, i am bumping into too many familiar faces these days. O_o

2006-06-03T11:40:00.000+08:00

sweet lil things.

2006-06-03T10:31:00.000+08:00

Great Singapore Sale!!!

the great singapore sale starts last week(??), and boy does it get vicious. especially around the branded stuff.

going to a guess sale is like watching vultures at a feeding. you see a crowd of fat, sweaty tai tais bumping each other out of the way as they grab up bags and wallets by the fistful; thin office women with a stern look who slam into you with the sharp edges of their bulky handbags then flirt off to snatch that yellow dress without so much as an apology; the men who wait on the sidelines, bored and safe and amused as they watch their girlfriends and wives dive into the mess of piles of brightly coloured clothes and emerge with a triumphant smile and some guady cloth made into the shape of a paper-tissue thin skirt.

sales are all fine and good, but the people are exhausting. they're so focused on getting a bargain they don't care who gets in their way; everything is fair and game until you're clutching your prize in your hand with a death grip and a death glare to match.

girls, it's just clothing. if it's ugly and gaudy, no matter what brand it is and how cheap it gets it'll still be ugly and gaudy. there is a reason why most of those clothes are on sale.

Smart arse dudes.

2006-05-12T20:29:00.000+08:00

Girl's thing

gorgeous.
somebody please.

2006-05-12T10:49:00.000+08:00

load of nonsense
too many times, i come to this page typing a whole load of nonsense that comes from nowhere but the inner voids of my somewhat incoherent mind. incoherent, because maybe this prolonged period of prosaic listlessness has me rendered devoid of the ability to form proper sentances. or, incoherent because just too many thoughts are racing to speed out the cathartic avenue the world calls blogspot.com.

in the end, the work produced by my rushing fingers is left redundant because everything gets deleted anyway.

it's like how a diary is merely a cathartic avenue of your inner whatever, and yet you don't want people to know about your inner whatever. so in the end you delete everthing and end up blog hopping so you can ignore your own perturbing paradoxical psyches and infiltrate into other people's inner whatevers.

please excuse the vocab. (what the hell is an inner whatever?!?)

so to let you in on a seemingly infinitesimal insight of my own inner whatever...

i have a wish list.
it's long and reading through it will take you on an arduous journey.
but,
i have a wish list.

it ranges from,

i wish i had a car license

to,

i wish m came home

to,

i wish i will receive my ipod video tml.

to,

i wish things in my - werent the way they are

to,

i wish i could say the things that people say are better left unsaid.

and i could go on and on,
but what did i tell you?
it's gonna be an arduous journey.

so, it's kinda pointless. it gets delected anyway, so why bother?

since a week ago in a friend's bike, i've been left with this overwhelming blast from the past, warm-fuzzy-wuzzyness which is a kind of rarity for my mildly misandrist self. so will Ronald McDonald Please Stand Up and wave his ridiculously red hands as i holler a loud I'm Lovin It! :)

abit of randomness here...

A few serious thoughts hit me these few days. Ah, such things hit me and well superme is not much of a thinker. But sometimes you do think about whether you should think. I mean, sometimes just going with the flow isn't exactly the smartest idea in town.

Haha, nope, don't intend to talk about it.

Yesterday was pretty fun. I was just damn bloody tired. But well, never spoil the fun, so it's still all fun. Beams. Days when you should just head out to the streets and get knocked down by a truck. Well, I was trying to mean live fast, die young. Haha.

I was telling my dad that I wanna sign up for drawing lessons at NAFA, and specifically charcoal. He almost whacked me. "You still don't get it that art schools are money suckers?" Haha. He insists that he can just teach me. But anyhow, Let's see if it's productive.

2006-05-06T14:47:00.000+08:00

subtlely obvious.

i think i need to wake up my bloody idea. i'm letting the dumbest things affect my focus and play. that's just plain stupid, because why should i give a damn about whatever. I might well just play my own game and enjoy it, instead of letting stupid things spoil everything. what's so bloody hard about that. gosh, i swear i need a slap sometimes.

on a happier note, dad had been fetching me back from jurong east(that where my shutter bus stops) back home for the whole of last week. so damn lovable. then, i miss dinner with dudes at jurong point. and i must thank Kenneth for having giving me a lift to jurong in his black nissian. =)) but im still waiting for alfie's ride? yea, dude? when? BUT THEN!, u ought to ride carefully. My precious life is in ur hands ya? HA-HAha!!

oh!!!i need to shop. retail is therapy for the soul. hence, i have a perfect excuse to shop because my poor dispirited soul needs some therapy to bounce back up. but because...of somethings. i had to do online therapy. fucking hate this. but im just relieved at what i got.

my longing...

2006-05-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

i have been having this absolutely horrible tummy-aches ever since my run.

after so much shit(pardon), i seriously think i have the horrible thing called...

DIARRHOEA.

Remebering back what coach said is prolly true.

Hard Core trng make me puke. But likewise mine just happen to come out in another direction.

I'll trng hard for my osim tri.

oh! Did i mention abt the aquathlon? Thank God. i survived the swim. Swimming in the open sea is definately not an easy task. Boy,i saluate mj!

2006-05-01T09:36:00.000+08:00

Islander's life

Im on my 3rd week there. Still counting.
Food sucks.
Lesson sucks.
but, practicals rock my feet!

Imagine a 12-platform high distillation column. And then imagine the sea breeze blowing in your hair. you get to imagine my experience for the night.

It was the 5th day of my industrial attachment - training at Jurong Island, Chemical Process Techonology Center, and the second day of our practicals. I got the chance to mount a really high distillation column and get to take in the rest of Jurong Island from all the way up there. It may not be considered something BIG or really awesome but to a chemical student, who after 3 days of having done nothing but lectures at a really cold auditorium, reaching the top of the column was indeed something huh...

In addition to the sea breeze and cool view (the island looked really different at night with all the lights lit up at the various plants), there was the smell of diesel or some other weird stuffs that hung perpetually in the air, but it's not everyday where u get to climb a distillation column (and I mean climbing with your hands and legs, not stairs!!!). Well, not unless you work as a technician or specialist at a plant, then most probably one will dread the long climb up.

It's an experience for me, like many others.

2006-04-30T12:38:00.000+08:00

hellohello (:

realized i havent update this for a while. but yupyup there's so much to say (:

2006-04-05T11:15:00.000+08:00

When is the line drew between work and play? it's unqiue to each individual. i cannot force mine on you and you cannot force me to chnage mine too. that's why i refuse to explain when friends are asking not to work too hard and too much. we all have our own priorities and i guess we share different opinions.

i truly admire those who have mastered that skill, especially successful married career women with kids in the family. i am not trying to be biased but we womwn tend to be more emotional. for me, when i am tied down with commitments, i will nit put my own interests in the first place anymore. i will think more for the other party. How am i supposed to jggle work and play? should i be with my kids when he/she is still a toddler? not mentioning ive always wanted a football team of what u called ours! haha!! if yes, how about my career and my free time? i don not have the intentions to stop working when ive settled down. i want to work till i cannot work anymore maybe in my seventies or so.

working is taking a hell lot of my time now, leaving me with limited time spent with my family and friends. my dinner time has been pushed back close to 9pm due to work. and sometimes i dont even have my dinner. the only time slot i am free for my friends are my pathetic weekends and prolly certains weekdays.

i am not blaming anyone for this. i choose to live my life this way and ive pay for my decisions. i just learnt something from here. in life, i cannot expect myself to have everything in the world. i need to make scrifices along the way to grow.

"learn it the hardest way"

2006-04-01T11:58:00.000+08:00

DRESSING!

Failed.

mom blame me for wearing that topshop demin skirt. and she claims that my dressing was too sexy. the tester doesnt like. WTF!

according to her, i must wear polo shirt + jeans = happy tester = pass!

i hate this!!!

it's not as if im using your monaye for driving. Mind you, it's my cold hard cash!

Darned! i shld have passed! the only points i admit for wrong doing is for striking kerb. The rest.....

NG LIM KUANG. i'll rmb u failed me for life.

2006-03-24T10:24:00.000+08:00

Welcome back to my bimbo talks. I quit big random talks for a while. Why? Because I don't feel poseurish enough, and these days I'm just too tired to daydream. And a lil someone mentioned that that just wasn't quite right. ha! plus Sha0 actually misses my constant begging for his ipod video. ha!!! thought he would just get so damn irritated by this crazy girl here.

anyway, i delcare that,
REATIL THERAPY IS THE BEST SORT OF THERAPY. and oh i want more!! (:
it makes superme's world go round and round and round. So previous previous days, is all in all a happy bimbotic day with yuan Hahaha. WHEE!

but im downright upset now. Cause im super duper broke! plus having to pay for driving and braces makes it all a chore to work harder for work these days. and i delcare myself an independent girl!!! I told momm to stop giving me allowance! OH MY GOOOODDDNESSS. i cant believe i actually said that la.

I can work. BUT!
Unable to wear skirts is a bitch.
Having to wear an ugly uniform puts me off.
Seeing how demanding people can be, irritates me.
Stuck in a cold environment is a bitch.
Talking on the phone is a bitch.
Unable to find proper food is a bitch.
Haha, oh man, I can't believe I'm such a bummer la. but i do, hate the job ALOT! but sadly, that my source of income. like wth!

It's now real hard to cope with once a finance-worryless girl to splurge these days. Just the other day, we went marina square. and im just pretty much IN LOVE with Zara's polkadot skirt! Tang's RETRO dress! JUST SHOOT ME! BITE, WHATEVER! and i cant resist to give it a shot in the dressing room. all yuan could do was to stop me from buying and focus me for what im supposed to get for social night. -sighs- Maybe maybe, I can just buy it next month. Oh! i pray they still have.

As i said this season is just meant for me. Haha. Dots and strips. black and white. brown and yellow. green! OH YES, I REALLY DO LOVE. As you noticed, dots and stripes are everywhere this season. I LOVE! And my granny cardigan, I'm quite sad that topshop stop selling the pretty colours. Junkfood tee. I promised myself I'll get one more. CHEERS!

Working and becoming an sdult entails important decisions and responsibilities, the ground is no longer soft, any mistakes will be paid for heavily. young, wild and free no longer after a while. i dont know what's in store for me. i dont know what sort of people i'll become. What will happen to people around me. what will my life be like. will close friends still remain close as ever? will loved ones still be loved?

que sera sera,whatever will be will be.
the future's not ours to see, que sera sera

and when i sit and think about what the future holds, though sometimes i get afraid of what's to come. i stop and think about you and your steadiness, your perpetual ' being there'. and after a while, i think i cn get by with you/

but now, times are changing
look at everything that's come and gone by
sometimes when i played that pld six-string
i think about you wonder what went wrong

standing on a mama's porch
you told me it would last forever
oh the way you held my hands
i knew that it was now or never
those were the best days of my life
back in summer of '69

oh the way you held my hand.

babes and dudes.
MOS on 29th march! msg me.
Seeya there, JON! better book out and join me there! haha!

2006-03-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

I had too much prata that makes me wana PUKE now.

but still i love mutton curry.
or was it the curry.

Trng has been real tough for me these days.
Im lacking of themental that i once have!

oh God, pls.

i STARE at the track.

2006-03-16T11:29:00.000+08:00

SO, WHATEVER.

Green - I wish it were true

I miss somebody right now.
I hardly watch TV.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses. but seldom.
I have been in a threesome.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes. (ha!)
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my cell everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.(in volleyball you break ppl's bones all the time.)
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I need money right now. (like D-U-H!!!!!)
I love sushi. :D
I talk really, really fast/unclear.
I am keep my hair long. (just wait and see the tai-tai-to-be)
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past. (NEVERRRRRRRR.)
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look. (yes, too fat)
I am usually pessimistic. (erm..)
I have a hidden talent tummie show. (?)
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in pants. (huh??)
I love to shop. (stupid question.)
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis. (not now)
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (i wonder how it feels like to be drunk.)
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before. (HEHEHEHE)
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything. Other than bullshit.
I have a lot to learn.
I am shy around the opposite sex. maybe.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. (never. tts first degree betrayal.)
I would die for my best friends. (ah, now who wants to join the club?)
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. (eew)
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I havent watch Spongebob Squarepants.
I have dated.
I'm obsessed with guys. (yeah.)
Democrat.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I dontlove oneofmy job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now. (NAH)
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk / run barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup. NO!
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant. yucks. NEVER. oh pls,it stink!
I love sci-fi movies. (YUCK.)
I think water rules.
I like sausages. COCKTAILS!!!!!
I love kisses. (depends.)
I fall for the wrong people. (maybe.)
I adore bright colours. esp GREENIES.
I can't live without black eyeliner. (because im born with it HAHAHA.)
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing. hehe...
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I cant whistle now.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither. whoots.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. (it depends)
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring. hardly.
I have a tattoo. YUCKS. i'll prolly get slaughter by Mr Chua.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is. (?!)
I have been to over 15 conventions. (i dont count)
I will collect anything, and the more nonsesical, the better.
I collect alot of dust on my books.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary. (kinda sorta in a way)
I like a person of the same sex. (of course i do. and it's not just one.) OOPS!
I love being happy. (who doesnt?)
I am an adrenaline junkie.
I love track.
I have ridden an elephant.
I love chocolates & crowns! (not the minnie mouse one tho.)
I am really emotional. (maybe.)

2006-03-16T11:23:00.000+08:00

okok lets digress for a bit.
me: "lets go shopping at the end-"
qing: "shopping with you has no good ending. it's either i end up spending too much or i get a headache because you spend too much."

oh man, i was just gonna ask her to go Mango at the end of the month.

I HAVE NO LIFE. THEY ARE HAVING THEIR MARCH HOLS NOW, AND IM SLUGGING MY ASS OFF SO HARD I DUN EVEN SEE THE SUN ANYMORE. yes, there are windows, but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
sometimes i think im getting so fair im starting to glow. ha!

k, NOTHING MORE TO SAY BYE.

off to work in the aftnn, Bye World.

lies for love,
lies for sale.
lies for you, baby
lies that kill.

MOS. 17march. Seeyas.

2006-03-07T10:39:00.000+08:00

epiphanies everyday

track!
and like all other previous days that i go running, with every step i take out, i remember how it used to be.
the mixture of fear(rush against target) and anticipation and the quickened heart rate. the purposeful slow breathings that i have to force myself to take whenever i feel it happening.
when your veins and your blood are doused and soaked with cold fire, adrenaline. this a powerful thing. it can drive many mad or even cause some to pee in their pants.I rmb my dearest pal during IVP. for the first time, i believe!

the problem is, i dont know when the scale tipped more to the dread factor than the anticipation. and it is my regret somewhat. but it's never more than 50% dreading.
I still love track. VERY MUCH!

for all those who think im crazy, im not. i just like to run for several reasons. first and foremost, obviously so i don't balloon to the size of a.. i cant imagine it myself.
and also because the physical satisfaction i derive from this form of exercise makes me feel very very satisfied indeed. a great runner once told me she loved to run with muscle aches. (:

i love it when i see veteran runners at spe fully decked in running gear and doing their thing.
you dont have to be fast and speedy or run insane distances. you just gotta love it and what it brings.
one day, i'll be one of them.

2006-03-06T23:35:00.000+08:00

Corrine May: "People around me were exchanging high-fives and asking each other how many As they got. I look at them and thought, there must be more to life than that." :)

im feeling very retarded.
enuff said.

Trng after work is damn tiring and i cant finish all that was given by coach. Felt so weak after the recovery which took 3months.

*sobs*

looking forward to sunday. Vertical marathon!

waiting for a msg from someone who somehow didnt wish to keep in contact with you all of a sudden is such a painful chore.
With no reason, no words from you, you seem to leave me silently.
I really dont know what causes you to react this way. or prolly i know...
If youre thinking I dont caare or am not affectd, you're wrong, ive tried to chase, but if you keep on continue running away, i cant do much either.
If you're reading this and you know who you are.
Please least let me know you're doing fine.
ease my pain, will you?
i'm waiting,still.

2006-03-04T11:27:00.000+08:00

A Ship That Never Sink

sometimes in life,
you find a special friend;
someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
someone who makes you believe
that there really is good and hope in the world.
someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.

when you're down,
and the world seems dark and empty,
your forever friend lifts you up in spirit
and makes that dark and empty world
suddenly seem bright and full.
your forever friend gets you through
the hard times, the sad times,
and the confused times.

if you turn and walk away,
your forever friend follows.
if you lose your way,

your forever friend guides you
and cheers you on.
your forever friend holds your hand
and tells you that
everything is going to be okay.

and if you find such a friend,
you feel happy and complete,
because you need not worry.
you have a forever friend for life,
and forever has no end.

2006-03-02T23:54:00.000+08:00

A's

To my dearest friends out there whose education hangs in perils, don't give up yet! It's not the end of you and definately not the end of life. Just keep trying and praying. Don't let this setback stop you from what you want to achieve in life. Keep the hope going! if a boulder stands in your way, climbed over it or just walk around it.

It does not mark the end of your journey!!

Hope everyone is feeling better now.

i'll keep all in prayers.

2006-02-28T16:13:00.000+08:00

MISSING IT DEARLY

it's hard to mug by without my beloved mp3 which die on me since last year.
and i've been surviving on the Hi-fi set in my room! how pathetic. -->cause im BROKE lah! shhhit

and i just wish Sha0 could just sell off his ipod video to me like he did for ipod.

yearning for ipod video badly...

but i wouldnt mind some kind soul sponsoring me creative's too!

yah, dream on...

2006-02-27T18:20:00.000+08:00

Life's Paradox

MUST READ!

The paradox of our time in history is that
We have taller buildings but shorter tempers;
Wider freeways,but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less;
We buy more but enjoy less
We have bigger houses and smaller families,
More conveniences,but less time;
We have more degrees,but less sense;
More knowledge,but less judgement;
More experts,yet more problems,
More medicines,but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much,
Spend too recklessly,
Laugh too little,
Drive too fast,
Get too angry.
Stay up too late,get up too tired,
Read too little,watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
Wehave multipied our possessions,but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, but hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living,but not a life,
We've added years to our life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but
Have trouble crossing the street to meet new neighbour.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things,but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air,but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom,but not our prejudice.
We write more but learn less.
We plan more,but accomplish less.
We learned to rush,but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold information
To produce more copies than ever, but we communicate
Less and less

These are the times of fast food and slow digestion;
Big men and small character;
Steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce,
Fancier houses but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers,
Throwaway morality, one-night stands,
Overweight bodies, pills that do everything
From cheer,to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window
And nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring letter to you,
and a time when you choose either to
share this insight, or jusr hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones,
because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks
Up to you in awe, because that little person soon
will grow up and leave your side.

Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to
you, because that is the only treasure you can give with
Your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I Love You' to your partner and
Your loved ones, but most of all mean it!
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes
from deep inside of you.

Remember, to hold hands and cherish the moment for
Someday that person will not be there anymore.
Give time to Love, give time to speak, give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

I miss GP so much!
cause a day of MATHEMATICS make me MAD!

2006-02-26T20:27:00.000+08:00

Here's quiz result!

What is your kind of guy??

You scored as Prep. U dig a sweet romantic who loves walks on the beach after a nice dinner. u like guys that are honest and down to earth. u also like a guy that u can shop with without having to drag him to the mall. u like guys that want a relationship not just a fling.

Prep

88%

Surfer

56%

Punk/rebel

50%

Loser

38%

Jock

25%

Goth

19%

Skater

19%

created with QuizFarm.com

so, what's yours?

2006-02-26T19:29:00.000+08:00

THIS LIFE

In case many of you have not realised, we have but one life to live. This one life can end when
1. you kill yourself, 'foohlishly'
2. kill by somebody
3. die from diseases, old age

My guess is, in case you get to choose how you die, it would be option C for the majorities of eathlings living on this planet. Hence, I believe that we all have an idea how we are going to live our lives.

and just a few days ago, someone dear to us, parted...

In memory of late Rajaratnam

Many, young and old, were visibly moved and teary-eyed during the memorial service as they remembered the late Mr Rajaratnam, in a fitting tribute and farewell to one of Singapore's founding fathers.

"He was an idealist and a visionary. He believed profoundly in a multi-racial, multi-religious society. The National Pledge which he drafted has helped to shape the nation's psyche and entrench a core value for Singapore.

"In this age of extremist terrorism and tensions between Islam and the West, multi-racialism and harmony is more vital than ever to our very survival, both as a nation and a civilised society."

"Our younger generation is at the point of forgetting what our pioneers have done, so it is important we record this for posterity."

"With his passing, Singaporeans have lost a patriot, a man of deep conviction and principle. His contribution was not in bricks and mortar, or concrete and glass, but in ideas, sentiments and spirit. Everyday when the pledge is recited in our schools, our children are reminded to live up to our aspirations as Raja expressed them."

I am already 19. It's not too old (still old LAH!), but ive been around for almost close to two decades. Certainly not a kid anymore. I guess this is the stage whereby you anticipate what kind of life are you going to lead for the rest of your life.

That's when it get realllyyy frightening.

Hey, i may be a little, okay ALOT paranoid, but i am really worried about my future. Although, i still gets allowance from Momm and Dadd despite having holding 2 odd jobs concurrent with studies. But it's no more lazing around! And what if I cant get to where i plan, do what i want, be what i wana be?

Questions. Questions. Questions.

Hopefully, I shall provide me with the correct answer and along with a PERFECT key to life.

I'll hold you to that!

ps,someone mention. A man's lifespan is only 75years of age.

and my GREAT-GRANNY is 101 this year and counting...
God bless.
Amen.

2006-02-24T16:07:00.000+08:00

Cheena

Greattt. We are talking about questions with lots of parts over here. And that's one subject. Aye. Nevermind. It's actually ALOT!

Had driving lesson.
Met up with mom at work over for lunch.
Went TM, therapied again!
Im dead beat now. Really tired...

so much so for maths,

Qn: In a school of 1000 students, a rumour is started by two people. The rate at which the rumour spreads through the school is proportional to the number of people who know the rumour time the number of people who do not know anything. It t is measured in days and the constant of proportionality is 1/250,
a) find x,the number of people who know the rumour, as a function of time
b) when will half the population know the rumour?

HAH. how applicable!!!

was kinda 'inspired' by the scandal when reading through the chinese papers! To hell! i realised my chinese sucks so badly now. BAH! so much so, mom even wanted brudder to tutor me! *shame!* :(

they have always place emphasis on chinese.
yeah, chinese market...china... blah blah blah!

oh well, A's out on Wed. 1 March 2006

To all out there getting back their results.
Good Luck! (:

SAF-SAL

2006-02-23T21:39:00.000+08:00

re-edited
SAF - SAL

S ingapore A rmed F orces - S terility A ssurance L evel?!?!?

I was pretty shocked when Boon told me what's on the board.
Cause after much mugging, i have no freaking idea what's SAF about and it's just seconds away from the paper i'll be sitting.

u called that bad luck.
i called it MISTAKE! ha!

so Bio's paper down!
2 more to go....*arggghhhhhh*

and i mango therapied today! Oops. and gotten that gorgeous unqiue skirt ok, let's put it this way, I am just crazy about SHOPPING! esp when it's with Mango, Zara & Forever 21. how about that?

i admire people who are thrifty but not stingy. i know money is hard to earn now, and i know i should keeps a record of all my expenditures in MSword document (did it,once BEFORE!). i was trying to calculate how much i would have left after clearing my debts, buying presents like a black bathrobe-looking piece of cloth from Phuture London (ONE HUNDRED AND NINETEEN DOLLARS!?), doing my part as a filial daughter and grand-daughter, ETCETC... and i was left with pretty much nothing. enough for lunch and transport, but not enough for me to go on a crazy kooky shopping spree.

i hope i dont start yearning for that birkenstocks anymore because there are more important things to settle first.

i need to pay off my bills. and deb told me my Creative Zen Mrico MP3 is going for 549 BUCKS! wtf?! when the actual retail price is 599buckeroos. hehehe.

and i want to watch these:

final destination 3
~~i not stupid~~
rumour has it(?)
the pink panther(?)

man, even if i have the money, i wont have the time.

oh! did i just say i was given a chance to sampled a starbuck drink? (jesse gona kill me for that) and it so totally changed my mindset from the previous experience i had.
afterall, i am a starbucker & coffee beanie la!

I HATE IT WHEN IM sooooo RANDOM.

He thrusts his fists against the post
and still insists he sees the ghost
now with his eyes so closed
he hides from what he fears the most

He's got sunshine in a bag
that he pulls out whever he's feeling sad
but oh, he just don't know.

2006-02-22T12:21:00.000+08:00

click HERE
This is for esp for JESSE who cant seem to figure out what links i was refering to.

"let's wait a while more.
God is waiting..."

waiting. the question is thta, how long have God been waiting for you? he waited for me for 19odd years, He waited for my re-commitments times and again in these years.

waiting seems very long and tough for us and alot of times we feel disappointed, discouraged, or even have the thought of quiting out, but to God, He is willing to wait, and He is waiting. and that's love.

I love God because He first loved me.
is He still waiting for you?

/what seems tough, isnt that tough when you choose to rely on God, even with your disappearance, i should and will believe, that one day, you will stand by me worshipping God together...
i freaking miss you la...

2006-02-21T13:14:00.000+08:00

check this
almost burst out laughing.

alrights, some random.ness..

Brian: Did I hear you right?
'Cause I thought you said
"Let's think it over"
You have been my life
And I never planned growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Why haven't I always loved you ?

Delta: Oh when I need you,
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you,
I'm close to tears,
'Cause you're only almost here

Brian: I would change the world,
If I had a chance,
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh, please, protect me

Both: Bruised and battered by your words,
Dazed and shattered, now it hurts

Brian: Haven't I always loved you ?

Delta: But when I need you,
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you,
I'm close to tears,
'Cause you're only almost here

Delta: Oooooh oh

Both: Bruised and battered by your words,
Dazed and shattered, now it hurts

Brian: Haven't I always loved you ?

Delta: But when I need you,
You're almost here

Brian: Well, I never knew how far behind I left you

Delta: And when I hold you,
You're almost here

Brian: Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted

Both: And now I'm with you, I'm close to tears

Brian: 'Cause I know I'm almost here

Both: Only almost here

2006-02-16T16:16:00.000+08:00

bleahs. I want my fringe to grow faster! Gone were the purple braces...

2006-02-16T16:13:00.000+08:00

heys dudes, How about this?

2006-02-15T23:36:00.000+08:00

I Not Stupid Too

This latest movie by Jack Neo is built on the success of the previous movie, i not stupid. The main theme of I not stupid too is the dysfunctional families created by the hectic urban lifestyle and the difficult and often strenous relationships between the generations living under one roof. The movie also highlighted many issues associated with contemporary singapore like blogging, mass media, sex education, role of corporal punishment in educational institutions and generation gaps. He also made snipes at the poltical landscape and the pragmatism and meritocratic system that singapore prides herself on.

There were a couple of nice analogy in the movie that i felt is worthy.

We can run and fall but we never stop running
But
In the process of growing up, societal norms and expectation were imbued in us
We begun to lose the confidence as we are concious of how others moght look at us
Slowly, we shut the door on our most confident self
Hiding it deep down within us and behaving at the behest of the societal traditions
ONly with the right key can we unlock the door we slammed shut and let our true selves show

teens.parents.

so lame. so cool. whatever.

2006-02-14T21:09:00.000+08:00

damn!

what makes u all think ive got stuffs on for tonight.
RAH. it's lonely night with books!
ya...thanks daddy,mummy,beloved besties,cousins for assuming.
but how i really wish...
just blame it on the test tml la.
daddy was pretty surprise when i said,ive no dates with cuties tonight.
but how about with my darl marketing book?

yeps, great Vday plans ever.

and im just too jealous of my bru! cause he has gotten a dozen of valentine's gift, while i manage to get just a fews. YIKES!!!

oh!
freako never gave a damn reply.
I find it still gets me so *bleahs, like you wouldn't know.
I'm two quarters and a heart down, =(
and I'm trying to forget how your voice sounds tonight.

2006-02-13T17:42:00.000+08:00

oh boy my head's in a whirl. so many things to do lah! its nearing last week of the term. sighs.

drop by church during break today. it seems that things are pretty much complicated now. and i need to draw near to God this time like i did before.

i'm praying for positive responses and that God will open hearts!

i pray for miracles, Lord. and i will wait for your timing and your plan.

2006-02-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

burnt!

2006-02-12T21:05:00.000+08:00

it's been awful. not all the time. but when the moment it hits,its bad.
feel a though im losing touch with everything.
friends. catch-ups/ family. dinner. talks.
my comfort zone has disintrgrated

actually im just feeling pretty.....

dont you just hate it when all bad luck befalls on you one day? i do.why does everything have to ve make complicated...sometimes i wish i never knew.

nothing left to look forward to this week.

meanwhile,
this the skin ive made.
more to be up
till then...

2006-02-12T19:38:00.000+08:00

Perhaps it's time to move on

I know hwn i have done my best and i can honestly said i tried to, at least, be all inclusive.

All i got was dusr on my nose.

What's the point of trying so hard if something was not meant to be, or it never was in the first place?

Words cannot describe how i feel now...

In a sense, prolly i asked for it. I knew it was bound to stir up some emotions within me that i have so far kept it at arm's length.

It was about the very institution that i fought and defended for. The place where i fell hard but also the place where people were there to reach for me when i fell.

There are memories that can be cherished, but there are also regrets that i dont have the chance to make it right.

That's why i believe i'll try my best to live my life without regrets. and i promised myself on that.

Even though i may have failed in some challenges recently, i dont regret doing it but i do look bask at the times and wonder what might have been the outcome was different. It does upset me a little, i guess.

Everyone has their strengths and all we nedd is to harness and synergise it. But at times our prejudices prevented us from making full use of them. I'm guilty of it as well, but i'm just too tried to attempt anymore. I tried, I really really did.

to lighter stuff...

Valentines is coming soon.

Happy Valentines to all my readers. =)

2006-02-11T20:28:00.000+08:00

life isn't a bed of roses,
there are hidden thorns that prick and may make you bleed.

too much.

2006-02-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

i truly felt loved and appreciated today by groups of wonderful pals i have made.

i want to thank you MrGuru and fellow trackies for the effort in planning these wonderful birthday surprises. i know it's hard and sometimes frustating to organise such event. i truly appreciate all your efforts. i promise i will love you all more and treasure our friendships.

Again, thanks for all the sms birthday wishes too!!!

yongsheng kimliang marcus kayti maoqing jacintha yalai john benny zekai debbie ziyi merlene(for the wonderful NYDC chessecake) kevin kk sam kumar firdaus weechung jamie nicholas mrguru (for the cater buffet) weisiang ben benjamin didi alex zhaoyuan angela and a hell lot more... i still have them in my hp although my memory is 95% full. i cant bear to delete them all. Benny even send me a greeting from sydney! OMGoodness. Im touched.

haha.. when do i become a sentimental person? i am officially 19-years-old. be a more sensible person. i am already a big big girl. i should try to maintain my clean record. i hope it is not too hard to kick the habit. i have been a good girl since cny. =) be a happy and healthy girl!

tho i smelt of cheesecake now cause of all sobataging! i must rly admit that the cake was SMACKING lips. thanks merlene.

shall update more soon...

2006-02-03T01:32:00.000+08:00

so, chinese new year is almost over,hope everyone's celebration was superb, no?
damn shit, im a year older today. on the 0302 at 00:01.

boy, i had my fav festival and hoilday ever since ive got my leg injuried during christmas and new year!

too many other random thoughts to pen down. shall not dampen this festive spirit.

reunion dinner was out this year. wasnt there on time but still it was a blast! has buffet this year instead of steamboat. nthing was good. except for the bobo chacha. :(

actually i realise cny has been quite meaningless to me all this while esp visiting relatives(dad'd side) i only see once a year, you know, the kind who look familiar to you cos you see em every year during this time but you still don't know who they are exactly? that kind. and everyone asks and says the same thing! how old are you, wow so tall now, so dark now. all that kind of rubbish.

meaningless. eh? it's usually so mundane i bring entertainment for myself before that. i only looked forward to 2 things: holiday and ang baos. this year however, it's slightly different. i look forward to tellies! (pathetic, i know!) thank goodness for such forms of entertainment. whew!

and this year, ive been bombarded by remarks of DARK n THIN! weirdos. tho i admit im ~~dark~~ tan, but i do need so form of a breather!!! STOP! the tan n thin stuffs, will you? got me almost ruined my new year.

alrity, i shall contd someother days.

but here's a BIG thanks to all who had just wish me luck before the clock struck 00:00...it goes all out to Jesse, Kenji, ShiYing, Melvin , WernMing , Suqing, trackies - KK , ZhaoYuan. and of cause the first on 0302, my greatest ever girlies, Angela , Jiayun and Alex.

thanks to all.

2006-01-30T19:49:00.000+08:00

mom prolly right.

yeps.

2006-01-30T09:38:00.000+08:00

almost 19 soon.that makes things worse. the stark reality that i'm (gasp) 19 is seriously hitting home. now, i wake up with the paranoia that i'd have strand of white hair gowing (hehe, prolly like k) and wrinkles. and...or maybe not. Unless im suffering form the "hyper-old-age-syndrome". hhaha -._ but really, 19 is a big number. and it's getting a little frightening.

okay anyways, growing up aint easy afterall. you've got acne problems to deal with, pms (for girls: pre-mentrual syndrome, for guys:perverse macho syndrome)> then for the good-lookers, you've got adoring/stalker fans to hold off. For the not-so-good lookers, youve gotta hanle dumb remarls from bimbos/himbos about the way you looj. which in reality, really isnt that bad unless they all use the hot, hot Fiona Xie as a yardstick.

In school, everything changes. It's your battlefield. your enemy?
And out of growing up, somehow we lose ourselves. We changed. and transform into wild young things(mom always associate WILD with me)Yet, i cant help but wonder :how do we grow up without losing the child in us? when everyone yells at you to "STop being childish, lah!"' our always-first reaction is to act like a 45 year old stuck in a tennager;s body. Interesting response.

Is it possible to carry our Legos and our Barbie dolls and the huge teddy bear which is used to lie beside us in bed over into hoe we live? Carrying some of that onnocence and purity and fun-filled laughter? Somehow, i fing we've forgotten how to laugh. (Jess, the bus-incident doesnt count. I was almost crazy that time!) A real laugh. NOt one that simply goes haha or hoho or hehee but obe that's like:

HAHAHHOHOHAHEHEHEHOHOHOHOHAHAHHOHOHHEHEHEHEHE!

rmb to stop and kiss the rosses. :)

once again, let the photos do the rest...

crowds everywhere. ah peks near tiger booth...obivous u know why...

HUGMOUS crowds ard him. no idea what's he doing. praying?! prolly...

the usuals decors. dearest dad good up his own tho. thumb up for him. my wonderful artistic teacher since young.

the artisit needs moolahs

....

back track to the 1970s perhaps. the so-OK soft-drinks ice cream sticks plus the nice, friendly sellers. bru dearest bought his fav flavour, f&n-grapes. =)

I met God of Fortune!!! like AT THE TIGER BEER BOOTH! wtheck! prolly the dunkards will get lucky for the night huh?

Cheap Cheap!!! grabs.

my absoute enermy! pork. the oil stuffs tt is. sinful.

still counting count to 01:34:45 to lunar new year at pearl center. alrdys ppl are waiting for the marvellous firecrackers & fireworks!!! tts strips of crackers (bottom right)

ugly sight of the kiasu singaporeans. yucks!!! totally a disgrace.

yummlicious german ice-cream. my damn bru wenta buy for me! aint he so sweet?!! 2.50buckeroos for laughters. craps. but still i prefer uncle's dollar cup ice-cream. haha!

finally. my lovely whisper virgin white! whoots. gorgeous.

2006-01-28T11:28:00.000+08:00

chinatowned tonight.

wheee! the one and only day im always looking forward for cny.

once for all,
HAPPY Chinese New Year to all!

2006-01-28T10:57:00.000+08:00

just a few days ago.

i heard a band playing "wake me up when sept ends" when dad drove past National Library. DAMN! it's fantistic! plus the singer is damn HOT! whoots.

i cant belief im missing my jams.
and nw that benny's left for ausiee ...
we r missing of one drummer!

sighs.
jam.jam.jam.
band. band. band.
gigs. gigs. gigs.

2006-01-27T22:51:00.000+08:00

Helloe! i'm feeling much better today =) all thanks to God.

God's ways are simply amazing and i want to give thanks and praise to Him for putting me back to where i am.
Things seem difficult, things seem out of my control, i cant seem to grasp on to anything but my Heavenly Father. and yeah =) guess i got to thank Him for that. =)

went down to church with j in the morning.
and i spoke to God.

Holy. holy. i felt holy today.

2006-01-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

sad thoughts still came by today, but i'm trying to keep them at bay.
screw my brain.

more random rantings...and thoughts.
-thought about it more today. hurt worse then before
-i wanted it so badly...was willing to sacrifice so much..and i dont open my mouth. well, that's a few days back. i should just stop harping or it'll bring me down
-another time i wanted it so badly..it turned out to be hell

enough of such rantings..its not halping me clear my mind..neither is it helping me to stop thinking about it.

just wish some sad thought would keep at bay a little more ...not go away, cause that would mean i no longer care. just hang around at a further corner of my mind.

some memories are starting to fade.
im sad.
they were beautiful ones after all
im glad,
they plagued me too much and as they say
there is no use living in the past,
but still, i will never allow myself to forget, it was too perfect.

it's amazing how such small thing could cause a 360 degrees change in mood.

oh wellies,
yaking up with basket and bestie was a totally blast!
as always...we are full of craps and jokes esp those lames ones.

and did i mention about with alf n co did a few days ago? man! it was damn hiliarous. it was about prank calls. goodness me, i almost die of laughter. whahah!

btw, my birkens has arrived alrdy! *beams*

oh ya..im gonna be holy tomorrow. (:

2006-01-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

before haircut! dear...my hair looks more like a mop! god gracious me!!! Blame it on the chlorine water that 'bleaches' my hair. or was i born with the natural brown, mom?

2006-01-24T23:22:00.000+08:00

mum called this the WILD hairstyle! i call this the IN-thing! wahahahhaha!!!

2006-01-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

after hair cut!

2006-01-20T02:35:00.000+08:00

im with my lavender braces!

2006-01-20T02:34:00.000+08:00

smile*

2006-01-18T18:22:00.000+08:00

me: can i take part in the upcoming biathlons?

dad: *look at legs* Im sorry girl, but i cant agree with it. Give ur poor legs time to heal will ya? I'll definately allow you to join all sporting events when it recovers, no worries abt that. Like always, im really supportive of all these sport events.

me: but...but...this comes ONLY once a year, i'll have to wait for another year if i miss it... :(

me: Moreover, it's held in february!

dad: like what the doctor, it'll take a couple of months!!! plus now that ure always so active walking , jogging and swimming here and there i bet it's gonna take more than couple of months.

me: .... (-_-)

me: i cant njoy life when i really get deprived of my runs. It's a feel i cant to find the correct words to use. Like it's NAKED!

dad: i understand...just endure it yea? It will heal...and u can run all you can.

me: sobbs...

f*ck my damn leg.

I WANA RUN!!!!

2006-01-04T23:17:00.000+08:00

high time i do some reflections. 2005...

it's been a (most) memorable year. ups and downs. happy and sad. everything you could ask for, more than i bargained for. i learnt what it was to love and to be truely there for the people who need you. love, in all its greatness is more than just something romantic. it is the unconditional giving and acceptance, whether it is reciprocrated or not, it still gives, still loves.

there is alot that i would like to say and just simply confess to. but i suupose it's too publice here. there's certain weights i'd like to let go off a lil, certain things i'd like to have the courage to talk about. but im not good at confessions. i aplogies. ive deeply hurt people who love me.

though sometimes it seems so long ago i guess i know what has happened has happened. and if i cn turn back time to change things, i would have the right from the start. right from the very very beginning i would have come clean with no hidings. and of course i wish i could tell you all this but sometimes it is hard to find the words. sometimes the closer a person is to you, the harder it is to find the right word to apologise. the truth is it hurts to know that you've hurt someone close to you.

i have found myself to be more complex than before. perhaps it all part of self-discovery journey.perhaps cynicism has begun creeping in a lil. but truthfully speaking, i hvae to admit that some friendships started out just for the company, but after a year or so, it morphed into something i truely care about, and i have found a group of friends im at ease with. though we dont share our sweetest secrets (to a certain extent), i know that we can really talk about anything under the sun.

i already feel lucky to have a few people whom i truely truely cared about. i have ;earnt to love. i have seen how love can throw a person all the way down, yet the same love can lift a person and bring a certain joy. i have seen who will truely be there for me, who i cn depend on. i have laughed and laughed, cried and cried, i have been truely happy from inside, yet and truely shattered inside.

i have found too, sometimes when you lose people who you love the most, you try finding new people to fill up the gaps. but sometimes it ends up bad because you're bringing previous baggages still unsettled with you. and i regret this.

perhaps, i hvae experience both ends of the spectrum this year.

2006, i hope. will be a fulfilling year. a year if honesty, a year if healing, a year of strength and faith. a year of holding on to what i love, who i love. a year of disipline and a year of joy, a year of thankfulness and a year of peace. and definately, i pray for a year of LUCK! ha! (:

hereby,
goodbye 2005, thankyou for giving me such beautiful experience.

2006-01-02T18:14:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!!!

to kick start 2006,

dad dearest bought himself

an okley shades.
It's unfair when he doesnt allow me to even get one and he gets himself a pair. Tell me how not fair is this? sigh~

and to even more...

jagugar. our fav! i cant wait to be licsence soon. wheeee! *pray* i'll get thru the first attempt!

i'll be the driver soon. (= ha

smiles. =))

life's getting boring without my daily dose. YIKES! and i dont feel right anymore. not till i start to get on my feet and run again. yes. im in such demoralising state! to worsen off, it's not getting better. NOT AT ALL. it still hurt when one walk , even when i sneeze. sobber.

it's the worst christmas n new year i ever spent!

I WANA RUN AGAIN!

sry, but im addicted to you...

2006-01-02T18:01:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!!!

to kick start 2006,

dad dearest bought himself

an okley shades.
It's unfair when he doesnt allow me to even get one and he gets himself a pair. Tell me how not fair is this? sigh~

and to even more...

jagugar. our fav! i cant wait to be licsence soon. wheeee! *pray* i'll get thru the first attempt!

i'll be the driver soon. (= ha!

smiles. =))

life's getting boring without my daily dose. YIKES! and i dont feel right anymore. not till i start to get on my feet and run again. yes. im in such demoralising state! to worsen off, it's not getting better. NOT AT ALL. it still hurt when one walk , even when i sneeze. sobber.

it's the worst christmas n new year i ever spent!

I WANA RUN AGAIN!

sry, but im addicted to you...

2005-12-29T11:08:00.000+08:00

[OuChhh!!!]

A nice, enjoyable public holiday i suffer in pain that the world has never seen.

yes freedom is pain. ya im discontented. and yes there is an empty void inside of me. when the world caves in how happy i would be.

like a bird trapped in a cage, im trapped inside my pent up soul. where is freedom when i need it? is anyone out there? can u tell me why i have to walk this road? love and happy are both yuppie words.

2005-12-28T22:04:00.000+08:00

sorry for the late updates.
plenty stuffs happened just recently.

actually i dont know where i shld starts from. alrights...least im happy for the moment now. CAUSE....

I have

Finally...
gotten my birkens.
i HEART them! haha!! love for my lovely birkens will never dies. =))

im now a proud owner birkens. ha! =))
more birkens coming my ways...ya,yun? *silly grins*

christmas gatherings was indeed great, i heard.
bascially ive miss all of the fun.
all because of

this...

f*uck my blardy injuried leg. f*ck the loose joint. *jailed* im sry.

and i failed to send benny off today. im sry dude.
i had to visit mr sinseh.
but i'll be sure i'll be a good host when we come back sg for hoildays and i promise a rawker style in me. *winks*
till then...all the best in austria ya? mr-soon-to-be-australian!

for the past few night was packed dinner from CHOMP CHOMP casue i cudnt even walk PROPERLY..
The food was awefully good. like always...
i bet the place sell singapore great hawker food ever. from bbq stingray to carrot cake to fried oyester to even tau pok is enuff to make say sorry to the stall bosses. haha!

oh god damn.

2005-12-24T14:09:00.000+08:00

hellohello!! i'm back. *gasp*

i was just wrapping presents,writing lil cards for my love ones and thinking about everything. about parts of my whole year. about friends. about family. and sometimes when you think lots it feel a little empty inside a little saddness somehow.

sometimes i think as i grow older i feel as if my cicrle of friends expands too much and fast. tho a lil more selected. perhaps it is a good. yet unconcious thing.

you know the famous question to test yourself truthfully is the 'who is the ONE person you know that you can call at 3am in the morning when you feel like breaking down.' the truth is that i can only think of prolly TWO person who i'll want to talk to at that point of time and who will wake up to my call.

it is odd. how sometimes you feel un-needed. it is not a particularly sad feeling but it is just a strange dawning that everything and everyone gets by perfectly fine even without your presence that perhaps you are not so important after all.

sometimes i think about how many things cicrled around me once, where i felt needed and in need. and sometimes when i just sit down and think. again i'm a drifter not in any particular circle.

but i have special people in my life, who catches me when i'm drifting halfway and say, hey stay with me. and so i stay and feel loved and needed and for that fleeying moments, whole and complete.

it is a ver odd feeling in all. that no correct words seems to describe it.

sometimes i think about it. i'd like very much to blame my parents for the way things have turned out for me socially perhaps. the stringent and rather strict method. i wld like to say it's all their fault and push the blame because it is an easier way.

but the truth is i kept things to myself many many times. and i hate appearing upset and angry or what not. so ive learnt to tuck it away somewhere far far away and numb it out. it's perhaps too familiar a procedure that right now, i think many about things but i just keep my mouth shut, fingers still and put my smile back in place.

i'm not particularly upset or depressed. perhaps pensive i guess.

it has been a trying year. and the particular one who knows will know. and im almost half-glad it is going to be over. but the gladness is laced with many doubts and certain fear and insercurities.

because there are only a few days left till the end of 2005. and the end of 2005 would mean the start of the agreement for two years. two long years.

and so i think to myself. what so i do?

ah. i dont think anyone will really get this. ohwells. i just needed to get it off my chest.

to all my boylies nad girlies,

Hope you all like my xmas gifts and the lil cards that ive written.
to angela, nette , johny...,i hope by now, you've receive those cards.
did i mention that i gave my whole class xmas gifts? ha!!! im ms santa! whahah.

all precious, selected and sifted. Merry christmas all.

Many thnks to all my babes and dudes who gave me presie too. LOve them too much. and yesh, kevin. MUCH THANKS goes out to you. I LOVE THE BIRKENSTOCK to bits!!! wheeee!! tho im limping now...im still able to show it off by limping! whahhaha!

yet somehow christmas doesnt seem quite christmas this year. prolly of the study break.

F*ck the school. F*ck the common tests.f*ck my blardy injuried leg.

to all,

God bless, Amen.

merry xmas!

2005-12-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

it's all lovely to have a date to mount faber on xmas eve.

it's rly a fab place to be at.

jesse cn i date u? phuahauahahah!!! let's make both our dream come true. haha prolly after church evening mast. ha!

2005-12-14T21:55:00.000+08:00

.one agony.
i can hardly breathe
you are restricting my freedom
closing up my social circle
stop it! i need space

.second agony.
you dont deserve any respect from me
cos you dont behave like one i should follow
throwing your temper
pushing your weights around
i am sorry to wake u up
but you are not the emperor
i am not like them
i dont forgive and forget that easily
you destroy everything that they have bulit
the damage is there
it will be with me forever

"push on"

arghhhh!!!!!!!!! i hate my maid for cleaning up my room. Now, my room is in a huge mess..all thanks to her! eeks....really pissed off now that i cant find stuffs i need. i wont mind her cleaning up actually, in fact she's doing hell lots of a favour but she just wont place the books, clothings BACK TO THE SAME OLD PLACE!!!!!! and this is freaking making me pissed off. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

It's Spring Cleaning for Xmas agn...

2005-12-13T23:07:00.001+08:00

i just wanna say that letting go is definitely one of the best decisions you have chosen to make. words fail to express, though seeing your silhouette slip and fade away into the crowd was painful beyond belief and heartwrenching, you need to know that by letting go, you're taking yourself one step further to freedom. you don't have to hide or be tired anymore. you don't have to be so worn out by everything and feel so tied down and restrained. You can fly now.

You can find the real source of all your smiles and laughter.

Wherever you may be, no matter where you go, I'll be here watching, waiting and when that day comes when you finally find truth in your desired happiness, I'll be standing by the side applauding and cheering for you. And then, it would be my turn to slip and fade away into the distance.

Till then, with tears, my wish for you would be that you can give your heart to the one and to the One who truly deserves all of you.

You know, i explicitly told God: If You're willing to take me into Your arms again, seeing the absolute worst in me, and knowing all my flaws..I don't ask to be Your child. I don't ask to be held by You like how the father held his lost son in the Prodigal Son story You always remind me of. I don't even ask to be a servant in Your house. If only You would just give me a place in Your house, a doorkeeper or maybe the one who tends to the animals in the barn..That would be more than enough.

The amazing thing which i totally left out was that this God gave His life. For the world. For ME. Me! imagine that. and if He already gave His life so He could spend eternity with me, wouldn't he also be willing to forgive me and call me His child again. And at the last night, He just kept singing His love over me..over and over and over again.

My grace is sufficient. My love is enough.

Yes it is. It truly is. Your love is the compass of my heart. And i'm just swept away by the realisation that this is a Hero of second chances.

Come on, Angels are cheering you on. You're not alone in this. People see your struggles. But I'll fight this battle for you. If I went to the cross for you, would there be anything else I wouldn't do to chase your heart back?

Yes that's my Hero. the Hero who would believe i can make the right choice even when the world's given up on me. the Hero who, from start to finish, had never quit helping me up when i fell so far and so hard. And even when i ran so fast and long away from Him, this Hero came all the way to where i am just so i'd know that there are arms i can run into. I don't need to play hide-and-seek games with Him anymore. I don't have to walk with these chains no more.

And now i am convinced that truly, neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor trials, nor peril nor sword nor things present nor things to come could ever keep me away from the love of God which is in Jesus, my Hero.

God, i'm back. Free. For all You've done.

2005-12-13T23:07:00.000+08:00

2005-12-10T00:52:00.000+08:00

=))

2005-12-10T00:51:00.000+08:00

i drove today

2005-12-09T16:35:00.000+08:00

hmmm. i think i got my hopes a bit too high, and moved a bit too quickly... bad move. and it annoys me because i just effectively made myself less happy. and very unable to think positively now. blah.

ways, that was random. i just needa get it out of my chest.

but for once, im DAMN PROUD of myself for having complete std chtd's full marathon without any aches exp for my baby toe!!! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! 42.195km!! yesh, kevin. NOT 42.195METERS.

i have no freaking ideas where ive yield to courage to even sign up for the run.

perhaps it was you.

perhaps it was adidas.

and the thought of you guys wanting to wait for me at the finsihing line purges me to run faster. thanks track mates!! but you guys UNDER ESTIMATE me of having complete the marathon in 8hours. and i prove u guys SO DAMN WRONG!!! i did it in 5hrs!!! *claps* but you wont there. *sobbs*

the run itself was good, save for the bastard known as the bloody hs. he spoilt my run with his questionings (like where you live? are u attached?) and prolly make a fool out of practically everyone but himself. It all started off when he asked me for the time...i shall not waste valuable blog space on him. i hope i dont meet him next yr. and NEVER will i agree to gg out with him.

despite all, i was glad to meet wormie's bru ,maojie at the 25km mark! caught up a lil before finally waiting for his completion at the finishing line. boy, nice chap i wld say...and indeed a sports enthu! *thumb ups for that*

Ways, thnks for the waits at the freako lonnnngggg queues!!!

all in all, thanks to all who had wish me luck for the marathon. Dudes like wormie, fellow trackers - kevin, kk, sam, jon, nick, zhaoyuan. jesse , qing , larry , rt...im sorry if ive missed out any of your name tho! hahas =)) all are appreciated.

but it's just saddening that my parents did not even wish me luck. and i had to thanks my dearest DADDY who agree to dropping me off at pandang in the wee hour of a sunday morning.

THANKS EVERYBODY!
=))

perhaps i was you...

2005-11-26T20:46:00.000+08:00

today's paper was weird. or at least, the questions were weird. and unconventional. in fact i doubted that i've ever any sports questions like those.

but fortunately weird didn't mean that they weren't un-answerable. i didn't go out of the exam hall feeling like i've written the best bio essays in my life, but then again they aren't the worst ones, either.

for once, i felt as if im taking biology paper ever again. haha!!!

and in a month time, i'll be a qualify napfa tester!!! wheeeee!

2005-11-25T14:48:00.001+08:00

i LOVE green. I love my new found!!!! =))

my connections to the world. wheee!!!!

pls spare me loadsome...

i aint ms taitai.

i give up.

2005-11-25T13:26:00.000+08:00

when you say smth yet you know you wnt to mean smth else.

but its enuff when someone appreciates you. the feeling is whopper good. It's enough enough. enough to make me feel high. and then it fall.

enough is enough. i said!

what a wonder a best friend can do for you. and for a while, your mood flyctuates like an ac current when unhappy stuffs happen and he will try stopping it. he tries putting a rectifier down on it so that your mood remains high as before. nevertheless, when the rectifier breaks dwon, he tries again.

a best friend means one best friend only.? come on... it's the BEST friend. and i meant the BESTEST. then, it wldnt be logical if i say, ' oh! you are my best friend. you too. you three...and you all are my best friends." havent you notice it?

Anyway, a best friend is always there for you. ok, maybe mine isnt always there for me. Yet, sadly, he keeps disappearing with his cast and suddenly *poof! he appears again with nice msges this time round.

uh,ok. I dont really know how to sum them up. In a nutshell?..I never want bestie to end. you see, I cant end it off. because there are countless things i want to add to this tribute. but i cant literally spell it out. that is the wonder of a best friend. it just leave you conclusionless. AH!

what else cn i say?

best friends remain and never CAN end. =))

2005-11-24T22:09:00.000+08:00

it's really a blessing to have a whopper cool lecturer, who bloggs, friendster therapied, n even listens to jay zhuo's songs. OMG!!!

this is so unbeilievable. haha!!!

and i felt this is so true...after mentioning.
"poly students always think that they are in the wrong course. So what's wrong? I haven't heard of people in JC complaining about going into the wrong course probably because there are only two courses to choose from, Science and Arts. If you can you go to do Science, if you can't, you go to Arts. There is nothing to complain about. OK, there are exceptions and there are the good ones that go to do Arts, but by and large, this is the situation.

But in poly because of the wide variety of choices, students will always think that they are in the wrong course once they don't like some modules or when they start to see the reality of a course. So, life science students think they've gone into a wrong course. So what is the right course? Probably there isn't one."

aint it true? think abt it.

2005-11-23T23:43:00.000+08:00

im so odd here!!!! the one n only wearing BLUE running vest today. maybe cause i was feeling pretty down. color matches my mood huh....

2005-11-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

the hurdles that we did. *thumb ups*

2005-11-23T23:36:00.000+08:00

LOOK!!! similar posing of our hands!!!!

2005-11-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

Clocked up a pretty good timing for 400m today. =)) cheers to me.
been doing great for TRACKS these days. the harder i push n run...the better state of mind i have. The better, things got sorted out.

Nevertheless, it'll be back after trng. so darn f*ck up cn?

hasnt been feeling good lately. Don't ask me why. I don't want to talk about it.
yesh. nuff said.

ways, im looking forward to FRIDAYS!!! The BESTEST trng i always njoy! n to even add on,my fridays are ALWAYS free.

Loving my 4days week class. =))

2005-11-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

im f*ckg saddd now.

least i was glad that i clocked my best timing ever for 200m today. tt's smth worth smiling for. at least for the moment.

Call me odd, weird, strange, watever...but runnings rly makes me forget about everything that bothering me but saddly it will NEVER be erase off the stupid mind of my.

im just freaking sadd la. shoot me!!!

and ive still yet return melmel his Alvl tys. poots.
i ought to return soon. it's been long.

im liking justin roman and soluna - where are you too much!!!

2005-11-19T20:53:00.000+08:00

It is done, and God is the one and only. I felt at ease last night, because I found the faith and courage I didnt dare bring it out.Then i wonder,why is there still a tinge of discomfort within my heart?
Something tugging on my heartstrings,saying that smth isnt right,yet. And then thoughts begin coming in, and i entertained them.Getting them regiestered and trying to make sense of them. I find myself feeling, confused. Or maybe, some unknown and completely unfamiliar feeling,perhaps.

I know im not really making any sense but people are like that at times. Where you find yourself not knowing how to express yourself and you turn to the most impractical things. Maybe i just know that this isnt it yet. That maybe things arent as simple as they may seem. And i wld confuse myself in them, tangling myself up in the most unnecessary. Then i panic to think that smth's terribly wrong.

I really dislike saying Goodbyes.It's either having someone leaving me, or ending something i hold close to my heart. Either way, it'l hurt wont it? i cant stand looking back into my past, trying to dig up remnants of past hurts,thinking there still ways to mend them so that they wont hurt so mucg anymore. Ive this problem of

picking up and not being able to let go

enuff said.

shoot my damn star-glazing trngs.

2005-11-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

Darn.

longd's macritchie ydt was a ALMOST a doom!

It started pouring while we're in the midst of doing striding up the mighty steepy slope. and to even mention, the super whoper slippery rocky slopes in the jungle itself almost torn debz down,my poor senior who already suffered a weak ankle had to least drag herself to and fro the guy's route.

sob.

and all 3 girls stride up to visit LimBoSeng like a zillion times.
up and down.
down and up.
up and down.

and we almost roll down into the reservior. how funny!!!

*curse the rain*

hope it doesnt rain tml for trng...*prays*

it official that im in da club! wheeeeeee! campus rd run on my way after IVP!

2005-11-09T08:35:00.000+08:00

it takes a lot of sweat and blood. but don't give up the fight!

remember what we've been through as a team this year. you people have survived through the worst of trainings and i've known all of you as the toughest, meanest, strongest athletes i've ever witnessed in my life. so keep pushing and keep holding each other up!

today's at macritchie. Bless everyone survive.

and to all out there taking A's-chem paper3 today. Bestest of luck ya?

ok. things this week haven't exactly been very good. a lot of crap has happened...politics. everything's crashing down. and i really wonder whys. i feel inadequate. thursday comes and hopefully things will get sorted out.

sometimes, running away seems like such a wonderful option. just to get away from everything and everyone. just to hide in my hole. i told j that i know my thinking is very screwed up. and my conscience keeps bugging me cos now, i don't really know if the decisions i make are the right ones or not. i think it's just in me to put on my mask. i have to change huh. soon. i also have no idea why i prefer to keep everything inside, until i boh bian then reveal part of how i'm working inside my mind. it's rather tiring to keep smiling and laughing when you really want to punch the wall till your fist bleeds cos that's probably when the pain in your hands take your mind off the pain in your heart.

i guess the only safe place i can run into is into God's arms. because somehow, i cant see the way out of this whole mess im stuck in. i know that to quite a number of people, i have been in a really foul mood..cos i was really on the verge of exploding. hopefully, tomorrow will be even better than today. and to all of you, especially YOU and YOU, thanks for being there..i really really appreciate it cos i know that you all have your own share of worries and here i am, wallowing in myself. and i also know that it's really not easy to keep talking to me when im so sad about everything else. ya it takes a lot of patience to put up with my nonsense.

anyway, i hope we cld get out of this thing soon.

2005-11-08T17:59:00.000+08:00

Hohoho!!! havent been writing for pretty long aye, i just dont think it's healthy (HAhahas. what a choice of word to use here) to come online and start whinning about school.

YESH!mdm jesse im updating now! u'ld better not complaint anymore!! heh hehs. =))

I feel good and healthy these days. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
Ever heard of something called "runner's high?"

ha! Did some speed trng alone today during my 2hr break with MrGuru timing me. heh! aint that lonely aye?
Im glad to say that ive IMPROVED my timing!like loads.super duper happy la.
bumped into fellow tracker-kevin when im doing my cooling down.2 of us had a pretty long talk with MrGuru. talks about IVPS-events, on various cca like the one MOST of us hate-DB or rather the ppl in there, super stuck-ups bitch/cheaters in there.Lucky for my prayers, kev got back his monaye.

and i had to rush for lab which ended in an hour. and im down for the day! wheeee!
hahas!

Minus off fucking shitty class stuffs. and the FUCKING assholeS! like there's plenty. just FUCKING hate them. and i reckons others felt that way toos. ah ah!!! F it!! pretty pissed off with class politics. I wish it'ld soon be over. JUst dont understand why such stuffs happen.

Life. it's a piece of paper.We can only have one life.All experiences and emotions come once in a Lifetime. We can either create 'meaning' on our piece of paper, or the choose the other,'meaningless'.The choice is ours to make,because we've got the freedom to do so. But sometimes, we fear the freedom as Life always comes with much responsiblilty. Bottom line is, dont push responsiblity aside. Push the fear aside. Life's a joy, why not enjoy it?

Im always happy when im with trackers instead of my classmate (minus off my clique) im with for 2yrs. it's a lil sobber. but nthing gona beat the tracker's bonds! to all IVPS.

I HUG MY TRACKERS!!!

2005-10-28T22:08:00.000+08:00

i am in deep shit.

cause ive OVER SPENT this month. like seriously overspent.
cant actually believe that ive spent over 600 odd this month!!!

shhhheeeeeeessssssssssshhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

whew. have finally gotten some time when i'm not pressed for time to sit down and just blog.

So this morning was a lil' tweek from my normal routine.
i took time off learning driving, it's been MONTHS since i last drove and the urging to drive is still in search of me. wheee!!! i cant wait to be liscensed!!! to all out there, I PASSED MY ADVANCE THEORY!!! like finally tho. wahahahha!!! driving lessons are sucha joy! tho driving ard the test route is never never easy. till next thurs. i can hardly wait.

this week appears promising.
As usual, trngs are oh-so-tiring, unbelievably,i dare say I lurve TRACK&FIELD!!! ha.

right now,
i'm musefully enjoying the sound of the rain storm outside my house.
Jesus, lover of my soul.

Life is meant to be a pleasurable experience.
It is a gift.

work tml.
SPEEDwork for trng tml.
oh fug!

2005-10-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

my happiness.

2005-10-27T22:41:00.000+08:00

Guru and the girl's team. Wheee!!! to IVP and all babes.

2005-10-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

mr coach in purple. =))

2005-10-20T10:52:00.000+08:00

i know i haven't been writing much entries these days. work + trngs kept me knocked out these days, preventing me to preserve my former favorite past time - floating around the net. whatever shits that i wanted to read has been read only after knocking off. emails checked and replied. friendster checked for message. tomorrow.sg read. blogs surfed and read and commented. well, these are only the basics and perhaps, everyday's TRY-to-dos. haha!!

usually there's no more energy to process and create a blog entry by the time i knock off. besides, there's nothing much to mention regarding my current life besides the EVERYDAY work and trng! yesh, dearie jing. i need a change of environment man! the work is never-stopping, not-that-easy to undderstand. running customers records against the system. checking stocks.

in the past, crapping up a blog entry was never a difficult task for me. but it seems hard now. tho, i'm not blog star. i don't get hundreds of viewerships each day. i don't need to type ridiculously to attract viewerships. i'm not one of those tv stations whom were only interested in viewerships and the amount of gold that it is going to bring in.

a lil more to rant. WE TRAIN in the RAIN yst. Bloody shit.

2005-10-11T08:01:00.000+08:00

it stings to blog hop and read bout people's lives and hear how they spend every single day hanging out and enjoying themselves eating shopping living. hear how they dont need to work for anything and it all just falls nicely and neatly into their laps. while you're slogging it out at work to earn the same amount of money to spend. sheesh.

talk about calling me a brat. ha!

anyway,it's been trng-after-work sorta life for me now. Ive only my thursday and saturday off partly because im gg NDC for some dental appt. and this time round, they're gona have an Xray of my teeth. ouch!* anyhow, trng yesterday was GREAT! did 6km run continously which i guess it wasnt that bad. but it will be worse tml cause it's SPEED WORK DAY!

m in a gd mood rite now =) hmm.
listening to girl from ipanema by frank sinatra. ah! soo nice. and beyond the sea. suddenly jazz seems to be special once more, after ive left it for some time. listening to the girl from ipanema, was like wanting to dance as i bused home yesterday after dinner with the track gang.

i have sudden motivation to do work. i hope it will keep up. by god's grace man! it will. He will provide me with the enthusiasm and the energy to work and enjoy trng! i hoped! shall not look at the lack of what i have, but what i DO have. i can thank God for what i have now. and he shall multiply it! his word is LIFE. the bible. i pray that God will unveil my eyes each time i hear and read his word. oh yay.

right,i shall get ready for work now.

oh! i had a nice abt about somebody yesterday.like the togetherness stuffs *sweets* it was just tempting to msg and share but i guess it's pretty retarded. so i heck the idea to even msg you.

2005-10-07T12:51:00.000+08:00

ive been thinking about those times. the times walking, laughing, sharings, the tickets. i miss it. i miss it so much. cruel meanpok u. Those are just my random thoughts, are they? it was overwhelming months, i missed seeing you. but it's such disappointed in the end.

i was really looking forward to a great day today, but somehow my mood just went to an all-time low. I just can't believe that popped up in my mind. I have been asking myself since. The thing is I wasnt the one who wanted to think about it, it just came up on its own. Oh fuck this screwed up shit. My mind works in a shitty manner. I hate it.

I dont know what to make of my life now. I'm working full time in a job i dont like, but with collegues i like. It seems less than perfect. I wish i had more than 24 hours a day and more energy to last me longer for shopping sprees. Maybe it is really true that you cant have both sides of the coin. It seems everytime i get something i lose something in return. Is it just me not nowing how to manage or is that the way things work?

I have stopped blogging for the long because i dont wanna confront my own feelings. Blogging makes me think and write, and for the longest time, i dont even wanna think. I just wanna do what i should and get on with days. I felt like shit the previous day but still went to work, and ended up going home with mild fever. thank God. Then i just laid there and cried in my pillow. It was just shitty. I dont know why i'm feeling it again. I hope it goes away on its own.

[editedd//]

was in school for some shooting yesterday! gosh~ had to pose for a 100m sprint with a starting block and some 200m slow jog. and i was the ONLY girl there together with weixiang and our vice cap,kumar.

Despite the sorching hot sun, shooting went on well. and we had only a few NGs...i guess, we're pretty good actors and actresses ya? ha!!! and i was told that it's gonna be publish in some magazines. wheeeee!!!!

and i just cant wait to see those prettaye faces and sexaye legs of ours!

2005-10-02T19:30:00.000+08:00

Huh, another one arh?

i was told by kevin(track) that there has been ANOTHER attack in Bali. And there were like FOUR of them.

WT.

Why can't everyone in this world live peacefully? Every now and then, I hear about bomb explosions here and what, riots happening there - I am getting so sick of them. It's like having people die of unnatural causes happen all the time, it seemed to have become a norm, and no one is shocked or anything. It's like we have heard of such incidents so many that we don't feel ANYTHING.

Seriously.

And why must there be wars and terrorist attacks?? I mean, hey, you all are grown-ups you know, why can't you people be LOGICAL and stop acting so childish? Even children know that killing people is WRONG, and yet you are inflicting damage to people for NO GOOD REASON. I am so APPALLED.

And what's more appalling, those people who died?? They were INNOCENT people. And there were even children who aren't even the age of 10. Don't they even feel bad? Not even a LITTLE?

Plus, this is the second attack in Bali in like 3 years. I feel so sad for them. Especially when those who planted those bombs are their OWN countrymen. Seriously, those terrorists should be ashamed of themselves. It's like, as long as they kill some foreigners, they don't mind blasting their own people into shreds. I can't wait when they get their retribution. Or maybe we should blast them, and let them have a taste of being BLASTED, after having blasted people so many times. They really irks me.

Damnation to terrorists!!

prayers to God.
May the victims of this second Bali blast, rest in peace. :((

This week has been a really tough week and I still have three more days to endure.and it will jolly well be appreciated and well served huh! Was caught in the rain this afternn at everton. wanted to borrow brolly. but i just heck the idea, hoping that the rain will stop somehow when i reach funan to meet kevin. and yesh! thankfully it did!!! phew! and that basket was LATE! maybe im puntucal. ha!

Gotten myself a new nike jersey and a pair of asics trainer! wheeeeeeeeee! tho im still waiting for asics racer but i guess i'll need the trainer for my marathon. and he wanted spikes. and obviously, that's when my wonderful bargaining power came 'halfed-failed'. sad.

and we headed down expo for some 'MEGA' sportslink sale. which was sucha DISAPPOINTMENT!!!

enuff said.

Days aint coming good...........

im getting easily irritated recently, especially with people closest,family. and frankly it's all small insignificant things,(not gg home for dinner,going home too late..) which at times i don't need to be picky about but i am. UGH!

seriously, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. i do need a life!!! Been slaughtering so much recently (tmr alone, ive got a test, 2lsns plus trng) and that's prolly the only reason why im back home so late and to an extend of not having a PROPER family dinner. Im very SORRY. The lonely walk, bus rides from hougang, everton has already tired me out TOTALLY! and the oh-so-rude boy i had, it almost dreadful! and what do i face when i reach home? the gloomy faces of yours.i agree that it's almost dangerous for a girl to walk along the-oh-so-quiet-dangerous neil rd.n back home. but. Do i have a choice? i guess not...
maybe u'll be good to get me a bodyguard? or perhaps a driver?

maybe it's basically my fault, sometimes i'm too sensitive. even quarrelled with my dad a few days back. so it's pretty bad. not the things that i want in my life.

but the best thing about bad things you do is that there's no more condemnation. i guess just gotta wait for God to change me. must start hearing more of the word! i remember the time period i kept listening to holy songs on the mp3 player like going for work.schools, and on the way back. i think those weeks were one of the best weeks these few months. super good mood to start the day off and continue it with. i think i shall do that again.

I will have to mug again tonight. Bless me luck for tml advance test.

and im looking forward to chalet. tho i'll b there for like one day due to work committments. it still counts, right jesse?

anyhow, if anybody needs to get stuffs from queensway please call/msg me. good stuffs.

i think i saw julian frm cjc twice. weird.

2005-09-30T11:33:00.000+08:00

did i say i survived trng on mon? ha! despite having putting up with sprained ankle. and yesh. i went ahead with the bi.

oh well,it now feels like my slightly sprained foot has become a bit more than slightly sprained. ha! i should have rested it but i just couldn't resist the track and the adrenaline rushing moments.

i don't fully understand the extent of the sprain, actually. but the 'rents are not going to be happy if i have to go for expensive trips to the chinese sinseh again. and since i can mostly walk normally (save for the occasional yelp of pain) i guess i'll wait the sprain out... it'll probably just heal on its on, anyway. so what's the point of blogging about this? i guess i just felt like complaining about my ankle.

and i was asked to stop trng till it heals. ARGH.! my IVP. GRRRR!!!!!!!!! then again, i wont want to be a crippler in future.

for now, it's swim swim swim.

[//edited]

think all the stress is seriously getting to me. was hit with dizzy spells all of a sudden yesterday evening after 4 straight hours lsn. after a few hours i was ok. or at least i thought so. today, started having dry coughs, runny nose and my throat's itching like a bitch [sorry, can't be bothered to think of a nicer word]. and just a while ago, i realised i was having a fever. so the body's giving away, coupled with all the things that have been happening lately, i feel like i'm gonna have a nervous breakdown soon. the past few days have taken a turn for the better actually, a few unexpected happenings that took me by surprise. but it's just been a build-up of too many things, the emotions just kept filling up and there wasn't exactly an outlet to let them all out because there're just times when a facade is necessary.

i did enjoy myself over the weekend. i can't believe the stress has taken such a toll on me. BUT, i'll be ok. just need to get it all out and then move on. and the strong little pea's gg out for work again.

they will better appreciate the efforts.

thank you so much.

2005-09-23T21:56:00.000+08:00

it's not supposed to be like that.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

i dont recall ever feeling so DEFEATED.
i feel lousy.
especially from letting all of this crush me. toopid.sprained ankle. from i-dunoe-when-what-how.A R G H.

i came home so shagged hoping to catch some sleep before tmr tution at everton(YET AGAIN)!-ive jus came home. and meeting joyce later but the dog on the next block just cldnt stop barking! it's so frustrating and so ive decided to bitch online.

and ive seem to be struck by bad luck these days.
ive gotten a sprained ankle. aint nice when bi is on SUNDAY.
and i got ALMOST(0.000000000001111111cm) knock by a truck today! i rmb it was GX255Y sunshine's truck.
wthfug!

argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i need to find my hideaway.
so that i can scream my lungs.
& no one will be able to find me.

nuff said.

i wish i could see the light of heaven.
i wish for a m i r a c l e .
a miracle for me to believe.

luck. i need them. GOOD ones pls.

2005-09-23T01:23:00.000+08:00

IVP selections is ON.

Track trns has step up to thrice a week.
Head coach is incharge for the trngs.
Meaning to say, u'll prolly see us fainting off after trngs.
shit. im so damn dead.

i dont even know if i could survive.

pls, pls, pls, save me if you see me dying on the track.
Save me, God.

im dying.
fearing...

when im supp to enjoy a lil bit of my hoildays....

nuff said. im sad. too sad.

2005-09-22T23:16:00.000+08:00

repeat after me.
give me a O,O!
give me a V,V!
give me a E,E!
give me a R,R!
what do you have?
OVER!!!

yes. yes. Yes. YES!!! exams are finally over. let's do the dancing in the moonlight. shall we? can u feel my joy? ive realised how our attitude changed towards the end of the exams. when we were in the hall, the end of exams spelled the word 'P-A-R-T-Y'!

wells, i shall blog more later.

machine gun on the way...msn!

2005-09-21T01:12:00.000+08:00

I dont know how far Ive got to go, but i'll go with all that's left within me.
It hasnt been an easy week with all exams and stuffs. I know it hasnt for others too!

It felt so different this time round. I tried hanging onto The one i relied on for everything in my Life. Then i found myself struggling with things i knew i couldnt go through alone. It was the hardest thing,for now.

Im afraid.Afraid that i'll lose certain things someday. that i know i'll regret not holding onto.

God left his legacy, what am i going to leave behind when im gone? Guess they were right, i cant even keep my spirit up these days. My faith is going up ,then down like a roller coaster. Everything become so unpredicatable. And i realised im part of everything too. And suddenly, 2005 never seemed harder. Right here, i saw what it meant, growing and sharing Life with friends. People who mean the world to you. Going through all sorts of things together. We grasp the true meaning of joy,yet we cry with each other. We help each other no matter what it takes, Being children of God, cost us something.

Maybe even everything

I was just sitting in the living room listening to the sharing going on. As the sharing went, I suddenly heard what my brother was talking about.Hearing what he had to say, made me realised that we're two that go almost crazy at the most,unearthly hours. And to realised, sometimes, i really do enjoy every minute I spend with the person whom ive know all my life.

The experience of hearing how the elder ones cope with their life, how they juggle all that they have on their hands. It's pretty amazing. Thta just showed how much they chose to rely on God.
Daddy, who taught me how to trust God, whole-heartedly.It really make me opened my ears and heart.

A bit of, Tuesday With Morrie.

Accept what you are able to do and waht you are not able to do
Accept the past as past,without denying it or discarding
Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others.

and like Brain says often, Love always wins.

Truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live
Learn how to die, and you learn how to live

How true.
all things are possible.

When the going starts to get rough,
And you feel like you've had enough,
Hang on tight to your faith.
Hang on to what you believe in.
Most imptly,trust.
Trust in God,who loves you.
Who chose to lay His Life down, just for you :)

FEEL THE LOVE,
EMBRACE THE LOVE.

& then, you SHARE THE LOVE.

i know and i just know, I need him.

Happy Birthday DADDY!

Many thanks to all who wished me luck and perks me up with those wonderful sms-es while the dreading exams are on going.
Thanks to Angela, Brain , kenji, jesse , leetheng , joyce ,yalai , vicky , liwei , larry , MELVIN.HO and many many others out there whom ive missed out! Great thnks to all.

oh wellies, NTU bi this sunday is ON. 904. cheers to me.

luck. i need them badly.

2005-09-19T19:48:00.000+08:00

10km. 1:00 10 49

2005-09-17T18:29:00.000+08:00

[editedd//]
post2

sheesh. where have alll my boylies and girlies gone to?!? *cries* Im feeling so pangseh here. *double cries**

me and my imaginary friends.

post1

someone says i'm back on earth.
and that
someone welcome-d me back to civilisation
for that
someone knows who's the someone i'm someone-ing.

ha!

2005-09-16T19:57:00.000+08:00

hear my cry and feel my pain!! times 10^n for 10^n other students who are experiencing pre-exams syndrome now. it's scary having to face the numberical reduction process everyday, crossing out the date on my calendar before i sleep every night. the numbers just get bigger and bigger. how i wish i can make time come to a standstill; pause and play as i want to. but then again, if everyone is capable of doing that, our timelines will be damn screwed up, haha. imagine doing something you enjoy, say RUNNING!! it never pauses halfway cause every minute second is precious!

i believe everyone (i am referring to my friends and schoolmates here) is facing an information overload at the moment.(esp with rs!) excessive intake that has deleterious effects on the mental and physical well-being. eg. mental retardation which leads to physical retardation (no it's not true, i made that up!) ha!!hahha.

sometimes i just wish, a little little wish upon a twinkling star, that my mum would be a biiiiiit more understanding. like try to understand that i'm damn fucked up with school, stress, buzzbuzz.. so please leave me alone for a while? let me sidetrack a little but i'll get back to it in NO TIME. but NO, she just has to purrrrposely ram into my way of doing things. AAAARGH. yes yes, generation gap.

Any-o-how,the exams are only half-over and i want it to be over already. am anticipating swensens adventure, class chalet and more. and there are quite a few movies that i want to watch. like eric khoo's be with me, which really sounds quite intriguing. jack neo's latest prdtn. hopefully we'll be able to squeeze in two movies before i have to continue the long dreary task of working for the hoildays...
so sick of it.

2005-09-13T20:18:00.000+08:00

the band in making. i miss those moments. ARGH!!!

2005-09-13T16:00:00.000+08:00

sentosa-ed. realrun-ed. refresh-ed.

2005-09-13T15:53:00.000+08:00

FAB!!!! wants. =))